Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can't special order awesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
