i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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