Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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