pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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