The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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