I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
