so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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