I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
