don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
