I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I want is dick and wine.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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