After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
