Where did you get a picture of my penis
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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