our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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