can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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