Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
