Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
