i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
