she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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