I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
