Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
They took my balls.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
