someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
two words: eviction party
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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