took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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