I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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