I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
