Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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