So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
