He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
