dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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