You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
