Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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