haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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