you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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