fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
