She said her name was "party"
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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