dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
