Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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