covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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