have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
