woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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