he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
