I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
