love makes seman taste better
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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