i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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