im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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