If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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