Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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