I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
