They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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