he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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