lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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